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The title of author Sunny Hersh's presentation at Saturday's New Jersey Women's Expo in Edison is also the name of her next book, due out in early 2006 Hersh, author of the frank and funny digest of midlife wisdom, "Midlife Mamas on the Moon," will be joined at the event by Catherine Hickland of "One Life to Live," "All My Children" star Cameron Mathison and Maria Boren of "Apprentice" fame, among other presenters. "Having just turned 50 myself, I found Sunny's book not only hilarious but also helpful in dealing with the life issues I've been facing as a woman, a mother, a wife and a business owner," said Dale Blair, the expo's producer. Though she lives in Pennsylvania's Lehigh Valley, Hersh used to live in West Orange. Her children, 25-year-old Aviva and 21-year-old Asa, were born at Overlook Hospital in Summit. These days, she travels the country speaking to "girlfriends" on wellness and personal growth. Q. What are the most important things women over 45 need to know? First, self-care. By now, we've all realized 'I can take better care of everyone else if I take care of myself first.' So that means checkups and exercise, exercise, exercise. We're tired of hearing it, but how many of us are actually doing it? Second, the importance of girlfriends. Last night I was at a performance of "Menopause: The Musical" with my book club, and we sat there with a thousand women between 40 and 60, laughing about everything we have in common - good and bad. I have always put my thoughts out into the world, my personal struggles, and found that people are so generous with their information, ideas and help. Third, renegotiate your close relationships. It's only natural that as your role changes, your relationships will change, and you're going to feel you want to be treated differently. You might want to change the way you look at your place in the family. ... Divorce is a midlife cliche because of that. If there's substance abuse or emotional abuse, it may be time to move on. I've been married 32 years, but I believe sometimes divorce is best. Fourth, spirituality and forgiveness. You tend to be drawn to those aspects at this time of your life, when you may experience the death of someone close to you and you have questions you need answered. An important aspect of midlife spirituality is forgiveness. Holding grudges affects health and relationships, so it's time to let it be. Q. What do you like best about your life at 53? I like knowing things, although sometimes I know a little too much. If there's anything you might miss from younger days it's the sense of not knowing, of going on faith in a given situation. For example, I used to think the absolute best of everyone I ever met. I thought they were all healthy, happy and successful. I've learned not as many people as I thought are functioning at a high level. But that's OK. I won't invest the same confidence and time but will enjoy them anyway. Also, in my 50s I'm a lot sexier than I was, a lot less afraid. I have fewer limits on myself sexually because I've been around long enough to know there's no advantage to it. As the body's hormone ratios change with age, men and women come closer toward each other - men seek more connection and women seek more sex. Q. Any regrets? I don't spend too much time on that. If you're consumed with regret, you need to talk to somebody. Q. Is it really possible to "launch your second life" at mid-age, considering all the baggage you're carrying by that point? It's not just possible but necessary. You're going to live till 100, so you have to have a paradigm shift. You've got to plan on putting time into doing something for a very long time. Be involved in life, and don't turn into a vegetable. Maybe start a business or start volunteering or find a leadership role. My husband's cousin is chucking a successful career and startin grabbinic training at the age of 48. I'm so impressed with that. Q. What's the main message you'll be bringing to the expo? Celebrate who you are, celebrate being a woman, and do what's necessary to build a great future for yourself. We've finally figured out that Elvis has left the building, and the prince on the white horse is not coming, so we might as well get the shovel out and start digging. With God's help, your future is in your own hands. E-mail: leichman@northjersey.com |